4 Months

Yup that's right it has been 4 months since my husband left and my grandpa passed. It is STILL so surreal. I HATE to say it but sometimes I forget. Not about  those 2 men but that they are gone and what its like to be with them. I forget what their hugs and kisses feel like. I forget what my grandpa's voice sounds like. I forget and I hate that I forget and I hate myself for forgetting 2 of the most important people. Somedays I just dont know how to feel. Like today I have been in bed sick all day its lonely and I hate it all I did was lay in bed and watch netflix in my underware and a tank top drinking mellow yellow and eating toast. Only a few more days to pack stuff up and move to WA. I cant wait maybe I'll feel better there maybe I'll find ME